A portion of my interview on the None of my Business Podcast with Ross Cook. Season 3 Episode 2.
MATT: That’s the one thing that I wanted to start with is we how do we arrive home successfully? I like the way you put that. I think this would go for anybody. Business owners, employees, people work hard at work all day. People get yelled at, people have a bad day and they have an eight or twelve minutes’ drive home…
MATT: …which may not be enough. You’re just thinking about what happened. “I wish I did this differently” or “I wish I did that differently”. “I can’t believe that happened”, all that stuff and then you got to pull into your driveway and go into your house where you got your wife and your kids, and you don’t want to carry that stuff with you at home. You want your energy to be there instead of what you’re bringing home with you. So, I wanted to talk to you a little bit about what can people do to arrive home successfully so that they can be fully present for their family?
ROSS: Look it’s a great question and I think whether you’re the owner, you’re the boss, you’re the manager we all go home you know…
ROSS: …we all have to deal with these situations [19:30]. We have a desire of why we would even want to go home…
ROSS: …and if you go to Barnes and Nobles and start reading and I know you’re a lifelong learner and a great reader and as am I. If you go to Barnes and Noble and these places they’re going to tell you, you have to be in the business all the time. Nothing can be further from the truth. You want to be congruent to where you are. And so, it’s important to first identify why am I going home? What’s this about? What’s going to be happening there and then recognize what you’re going to feel like there? OK? The second thing is what are you doing in your mind? What’s occupying it?
We’re identifying things that are stressors in your mind and then if I had twelve minutes, I would pull over literally and I would wait, and I would do what we do, which is deep breaths and I attempt to experience all those stresses that are still in my backpack, that are still with me in the car. My mind is going to try to run away from them. It’s going try and tell you “it’s okay” and then you’re going to get home and you’re thigh deep in them still.
ROSS: But I’m going to want to disconnect them from the energy that is running them and so what I’m going to do is take the time and I’m going to actually honor how horrible they are…
ROSS: …and I’m not going to do it while I’m driving. I’m going to pull over and I’m going to actually spend time in trust or being curious about love. and you don’t have to have the magic silver bullet answer. Let me tell you, you don’t you just have to have the concept that you’re going to need energy to stress up to change. So, then you’re just going to go through the stresses and face them and imagine they were worse. What if the bad day [21:00] was fifty bad days in a row? Or what if it were three times worse? I’m going to do that with myself and what’s going to happen is the beauty of our subconscious mind is eventually it will not allow us to stay there. It will actually take the negative energy from the stressful programs and look be looking for a place to put it.
MATT: And where does it put it?
ROSS: in whatever you want now.
ROSS: I want to go home and be congruent and when I listen to my child I want to be totally there you know? When I look at my spouse I want to be totally paying attention to the eye contact. I want to be completely there. I want to have deep breathing in my house. I want to tell the family that everything is safe because deep breathing, long pauses and nice comfortable breathing tells everybody it’s okay. They’ve had tough days too.
ROSS: And so, you know you want to be that pond of wellness. The only way you can do that, that I’ve found in being a lifelong learner about this kind of stuff is to face the dragons and take the energy from the those dragons by going within yourself and capturing and then investing in like “unconditional love” and I love the word “unconditional love” and not just love because we can read one million books or hear talks that say love, abandonment, love, hate you know we’re talking about something that is essentially infinite. Unconditional love, I can’t wrap my whole mind around it so I have to trust it.
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